Sunday, April 11, 2010

A Long, In Depth Meme of Bullcrap

Will you have sexual intercourse within the next week or two?
I haven't done it since I partied like it was 1999--literally. Why the hell would I bother now?

The last time you saw your best friend, what did you do?
I don't have a best friend

Do you think your ex still wants to be with you?

Yeah...he lives in the spare bedroom. He's one of my housemates. Its the kind of shit you do when you're poor.

What is a word you say a lot?
Fuck. But not in a sexual context.

Is there anything you should be worried about?
I'm worried about how life will turn out for my son. It seems like one damn bit of fuckery after another.

Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you?
Not really. But I have dated my hand before and its the same gender as me.

You're up after 3 AM, what's the reason?
I'm working.

Are you in a relationship with anyone?
My hand.

Who was the last person to text you "hello"?
Probably my son.

Have you ever liked someone just because they were good looking?
Yeah, for about three seconds. Then I usually figure out that they're fucking shallow if all I like them for is their looks. Most of the time I've liked someone's personality first, then decided they were cute.

What were you doing 2 hours ago?
Helping a resident finish her shower and go to bed.

What will/did you do today?
Finish work. Hopefully work on the Script Frenzy play. Hate my nursing program director some more.

Is smoking a turn off?
Yes. Hypocritically, I used to smoke. I smoked for 17 years. Now I can't stand how it smells.

What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people?
People are people so why should it be
That you and I should get along so awfully

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever put alcohol/drugs before you?
More than once. But it always took them cheating on me before I'd break it off with them.

Every girl needs a little black dress. Do you agree?
Barf! Kiss my big white ass.

What kind of mood are you in?
Dejected, disrespected, frustrated, pissed off, crazy, miserable, semi-suicidal, semi-homicidal, wondering why this world is such a cesspit of fucking shit.

Who was the last person you kissed?
Platonically, my mother, on the cheek. Not platonically, this grizzled old fuck that was one of my co-workers at the casino who I thought I was in love with. He was colder than a fucking arctic wind except when he wanted a favor. Probably the one reason we never did the deed is there was no lumber in the lumber yard.

Do you have the time by any chance?
Do you got the beer, motherfucker?

Are you someone who enjoys seeking attention from others?
It would be nice if some of y'all assholes would LISTEN to me once in a while. Other than that I just want to be left the fuck alone.

Why aren't you dating the last person who you texted?

How open are you with people, out of 10?
Probably about a 5 on average. I'm very open sometimes, very closed others.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for over 6 months?
Why the shit fuck would I get on a sinking ship from the get go?

Have you ever lost someone you wish you didn't?
Several times.

What are your parents doing right now?
My mother's probably up emptying the urinal for my father. He is severely handicapped, doesn't sleep well, and has to pee a lot.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
How many would you like me to pound up your ass? Fucking gross!

Four months ago, who did you have a crush on?
I'm fucking 45 years old and mean as an old snake. I don't have the personality for such namby pamby shit as crushes. Tempest LeTrope, however, has a crush on H.P. Lovecraft.

What is your dream car?
Probably something practical like a Range Rover that handles well in shitty weather.

Do you honestly have feelings for someone at the moment?
Numbness and regret.

Is there anything upsetting you?
My cunt of a nursing program supervisor. And this fucking pain that I have in every single joint of my body.

How is the weather?

What are you looking forward to within the next few months?
The hot shitty weather. Oh, how I love that. Yeah. Right. Hot and shitty. My favorite. Next to cold and crappy, that is.

When was the last time you smoked pot?
22 years ago

What's the closest item that is yellow?
The desk lamp

Are you eating/drinking anything right now?
Herbal tea

Will you be in a relationship one month from now?
Yeah, with my hand, like always

Have you ever been truly in love?
Yeah, and I got shit on. I don't like being shit on. So it will not happen again.

Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed?
I guess we're talking romantic kissing so yes I could because I haven't talked to the motherfucker in more than ten years. Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

Is your room ever clean?

Do you drink bottled water?

Honestly, are things going the way you planned?
This makes me want to laugh uproariously, break down crying, than shoot myself while throwing myself off the roof, fuck you very much.

Do you hate the last person who called you?
No. Sara's a pretty cool co-worker.

What are you listening to at the moment?
The sound of this stupid HEPA filter

Think back five months ago, what was your relationship status?
Single and curmudgeony, just like now

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
Did I not say the cunt who is the head of the fucking nursing program at my stupid fucking community college? Did I mention that she is a cunt?

If you are being extremely quiet, what does that mean?
It means leave me the fuck alone.

Think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss them?
Not romantically. I think it was my father.

Is the last person of the opposite sex you texted single?
Yes but like I said: HE'S MY SON!

Do you remember the person you first kissed?
Yes. It was my little third grade boyfriend. Awww!

When was the last time you cried?
Pretty much I cry a little every fucking day then stop because its a moot point.

Why was that?
Because I hurt inside and out and I am scared shitless for the future

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Before I went to bed TODAY I ate some cold cuts and cheese and crackers and then I let the bitchy cat out and then I fell asleep at some point.

How would you feel about traveling abroad alone?
Bored and lonely

List three things near you?
Monitor, telephone, water pitcher

What was the last thing you watched on TV?
Some retarded ass movie on the fucking Lifetime channel. I need to get a fucking life.

Is your birthday soon?
No. It's next February.

Do you like the color green?
It's fine

Do you like winter?
If it's not too cold and not tons of snow and ice.

Have you ever given out your number and then regretted it?

Do you curse a lot?
Fuck yeah

How many pillows do you sleep with?
Four lumpy ones

Are you drunk?
Never. But check with me 20 years ago.

Could you go a month without talking to your best friend?
I told you before, I don't have a best friend.

Are girls too dramatic?
I don't know. Let me shove my gloved fist up your sexist ass and see if you find me dramatic.

Does the thought of marriage scare you?
No, because it's more likely that a supernova would happen than me getting married. I'm not scared of the impossible.

Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present?
I don't drink, but if I did get drunk in front of them it would be subtle and they wouldn't notice.

Would you date someone who lived in another state?
Why the fuck would I do that?

Where is the person you last texted?
At home in bed

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Do the words cunt of a nursing program supervisor ring a bell?

Who did you spend your summer with last year?
My pets and my son

Did you wear what you are wearing today for a specific reason?
Yes. It's a scrub tunic and loose pants. I work in a retirement community at night. Good enough?

Did you eat a cookie today?
I ate a brownie and a cupcake

Have you ever laid on a bed and stayed there for no reason at all?

Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out?
No, it was pretty well over before it even started once he realized that I wasn't just going to be his little gofer any more. I thought that I was a fucking stupid, desperate cow for having thought he gave a shit about me. Now, ask me again why I don't waste my time dating, huh?

I'm bitter, old, and sick of it all. Is this fucking life over yet?


Amanda said...

I'm bitter, old, and sick of it all. Is this fucking life over yet?

I'm stealing this line.