The Severely Mentally Ill Free in Society

User WryBread points out on a post at the Dreamin' Demon about a real cold-hearted one (wife claims he was mentally ill) that drowned his six month old infant:

Nowadays it's HARD to obtain help for the mentally ill. Just getting on a wait list is a big step forward. We need long-term residential care for the mentally ill, but Reagan ended that in the 1980s with the help of health-care "professionals" who thought that having the mentally ill living among us was going to be a happy situation. Then when you get the help, the staff sends them home without notice, changes their meds capriciously, and when the # of days on your insurance is up, home they come or they go to a much worse place.

Here is my thoughts: The majority of people with mental illness do not have to be institutionalized, but there are some that do. It is very difficult to get these individuals into a safe situation. Yeah--thanks, Ronnie! And for those that aren't dangerous, some are still unable to hold a job, and are forced to live in awful conditions. Myself, I am able to hold a job but I am marginalized. I can't pay for counseling. I just fly by the seat of my pants.

The Real Cheesemeister is Back

Can we all please forget that "other" Cheesemeister that took over my body during the past day?

I kind of feel like I had a nervous breakdown or something because right now I just can't understand my actions. I have been under so much stress with work, my microbiology class, my parents, helping my son go to his certification class an hour and a half away every day for 2 weeks (he doesn't drive) and trying to complete a short story for a compilation book to benefit breast cancer, plus PMS, I think I just snapped and got a bad case of the paranoids. 

 

I used to go off like this a LOT before I got on Lithium. And I think it's more the borderline personality disorder than the bipolar to blame in this case. Borderline personality disorder is (in my opinion) the result of learned behavior during a dysfunctional childhood. One feels unheard and neglected and only extreme behavior tends to get a "rise" out of one's family. Although studies indicate that the oxytocin levels in people with borderline personality disorder are abnormal. People with this disorder have trouble bonding in healthy ways. At our worse we engage in histrionics (like I did over the past day) and drive others away.

I will be forever grateful who anyone who can forgive me for this insane behavior. And yes, I feel like it is a form of temporary insanity.

I'm glad to be back to abnormal.

The (sheepish) Cheese

Dear Friends

If I still have any.

I sent some of you a rather desperate email yesterday. I now feel desperately ashamed for doing so. I want you all to know that I am NOT suicidal. I have NOT been doing any acts of self-injury. I am depressed right now, but there is a shit ton of stuff going on in my life, plus (sorry dudes) Aunt Flo is about to arrive and that always turns me into a raging bitch or a clingy cry baby. 

A change of meds has been suggested. I appreciate the concern but here is the thing about meds. I cannot tolerate the majority of pharmaceutical medications no matter what they are for. I have bad reactions to them. Antidepressants in specific make me psychotic. Depressed is one thing. Psychotic is another. As I am not normally psychotic, it is not a condition I am used to and I assure you, it is not one I enjoy. So please, though we are all trained to think "antidepressant," they don't work for me the way they are supposed to.

Therapy has also been suggested. I would consider this except that I literally cannot afford it. And I've really never had any luck with it.

As to anything else, I was lonely. Only this and nothing more. There is no need to read anything else into it. And I'm fucking sorry I reached out like that. So, let's all forget about it and go on about our lives, shall we?

Sincerely,

The Cheesy One