Monday, June 28, 2010

The Real Cheesemeister is Back

Can we all please forget that "other" Cheesemeister that took over my body during the past day?

I kind of feel like I had a nervous breakdown or something because right now I just can't understand my actions. I have been under so much stress with work, my microbiology class, my parents, helping my son go to his certification class an hour and a half away every day for 2 weeks (he doesn't drive) and trying to complete a short story for a compilation book to benefit breast cancer, plus PMS, I think I just snapped and got a bad case of the paranoids. 
I used to go off like this a LOT before I got on Lithium. And I think it's more the borderline personality disorder than the bipolar to blame in this case. Borderline personality disorder is (in my opinion) the result of learned behavior during a dysfunctional childhood. One feels unheard and neglected and only extreme behavior tends to get a "rise" out of one's family. Although studies indicate that the oxytocin levels in people with borderline personality disorder are abnormal. People with this disorder have trouble bonding in healthy ways. At our worse we engage in histrionics (like I did over the past day) and drive others away.
I will be forever grateful who anyone who can forgive me for this insane behavior. And yes, I feel like it is a form of temporary insanity.

I'm glad to be back to abnormal.

The (sheepish) Cheese


Anonymous said...

I hope son will come to terms with that exam! I can assure you, its a huge relieve when they are old enough (and hopefully mature enough too) to do their own thing ...
Is there an end in sight? I mean this classes can not go on for ever for example - there must be a time when things will be easier, when the workload will be reduced and you can come to yourself again - will this be possible this year? I really hope so Cara. Take care please.

Anonymous said...

On another note, totally unrelated, sorry: Is Uncle Tom around?

Tom, if you read this - please see that my blog adress changed. I hope you and Red are alright!