Kill 'Em All

Oh joy, an evil creepy doll

Where are all the friends who used to talk to me
All they ever told me was good news
(Alan Parsons Project--breakdown)

I really hate the human race
I'm sick and tired of life and disappointed as hell in myself

This morning was spent being the victim of a fucking troll. Yes, in my quest to do the right thing, I actually fell for what this turd was doing. Oh, and by the way, fuck you, Facebook. If someone posts a picture of bare ass and even one person reports it, that picture is gone. If someone posts a gratuitious picture of animal cruelty, it takes thousands of people and many, many days and still nothing is done about it. Fuck you, Facebook. You turds suck.

The troll was posting pictures of dead cats on a pro-cats page.

I fell for his bullshit that he was the one killing them until he started saying crap like "it's best when you stuff them in a jar and fuck the jar" and "one day I want to kill a baby."

I was so convinced that I contacted the Australian authorities. Because something the shithead said made it apparent that he was in Australia.

No, he's just another turd finding sick pictures of dead animals from the myriad of sick fucks on the internet and using them. He is a useless waste of oxygen. And you know what I think? I think that such wastes of oxygen, along with those who commit actual crimes of animal and human cruelty--I'm not talking about ignorance leading to animal negligence but about deliberate, vicious cruelty--should have a bullet through the head. No trial, just kill the piece of shit. They serve no useful purpose. I'm sick of trying to have love for my fellow human. The human race has spawned way too many of these rejects. I am filled with hate and want them to all die horribly. If this makes me evil, then I am evil. I really don't care what anybody thinks. My soul feels as empty and angry as Creepy Doll's eyes.

Whenever I try to do anything good I just end up looking stupid.

I don't believe in the possibility that I will ever accomplish anything of worth any more. I am a loser and a washout. Once nothing is depending on me any more there is no reason to continue living.

My son just wants to get away from here and I don't blame him. He still needs my help to a degree and is trying to help me. But it's no good, any of it.

I'm a dismal failure. Every time I try to do anything worthwhile, I just fail.
I don't even have anyone who reads my stupid blog blathering any more or cares at all.

If you are an Internet troll reading this you are even more worthless than I am and should go kill yourself now.

It's a Sin

I'm fairly sure that the lyrics have to do with the shame society inflicts on homosexuals. But they can apply to anybody. I was always shamed for what I thought, what I dreamed of, what I wanted, who I was. And now, I am still dependent on my family because for so many years my damn mental illness controlled my life before I had learned what the enemy was so I could fight it. I am trying to break free of this but it is difficult. And I end up feeling sick and angry as hell at myself that at my age I am still in this position, and thinking what a fucking LOSER I am.

Here are the lyrics.

I am really fucking suffering today. Not that it matters.

"It's A Sin"

(Twenty seconds and counting...
T minus fifteen seconds, guidance is okay)
??
When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a sin

At school they taught me how to be
So pure in thought and word and deed
They didn't quite succeed
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to
It's a sin

Father, forgive me, I tried not to do it
Turned over a new leaf, then tore right through it
Whatever you taught me, I didn't believe it
Father, you fought me, 'cause I didn't care
And I still don't understand

So I look back upon my life
Forever with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too

It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a sin
Everything I've ever done
Everything I ever do
Every place I've ever been
Everywhere I'm going to - it's a sin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin

(Confiteor Deo omnipotenti vobis fratres, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione,
verbo, opere et omissione, mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa)
[trans. "I confess to almighty god,
and to you my brothers,
that I have sinned exceedingly
in thought, word, act and omission,
through my fault, through my fault,
through my most grievous fault"]

(Zero!)