Kill 'Em All

Oh joy, an evil creepy doll

Where are all the friends who used to talk to me
All they ever told me was good news
(Alan Parsons Project--breakdown)

I really hate the human race
I'm sick and tired of life and disappointed as hell in myself

This morning was spent being the victim of a fucking troll. Yes, in my quest to do the right thing, I actually fell for what this turd was doing. Oh, and by the way, fuck you, Facebook. If someone posts a picture of bare ass and even one person reports it, that picture is gone. If someone posts a gratuitious picture of animal cruelty, it takes thousands of people and many, many days and still nothing is done about it. Fuck you, Facebook. You turds suck.

The troll was posting pictures of dead cats on a pro-cats page.

I fell for his bullshit that he was the one killing them until he started saying crap like "it's best when you stuff them in a jar and fuck the jar" and "one day I want to kill a baby."

I was so convinced that I contacted the Australian authorities. Because something the shithead said made it apparent that he was in Australia.

No, he's just another turd finding sick pictures of dead animals from the myriad of sick fucks on the internet and using them. He is a useless waste of oxygen. And you know what I think? I think that such wastes of oxygen, along with those who commit actual crimes of animal and human cruelty--I'm not talking about ignorance leading to animal negligence but about deliberate, vicious cruelty--should have a bullet through the head. No trial, just kill the piece of shit. They serve no useful purpose. I'm sick of trying to have love for my fellow human. The human race has spawned way too many of these rejects. I am filled with hate and want them to all die horribly. If this makes me evil, then I am evil. I really don't care what anybody thinks. My soul feels as empty and angry as Creepy Doll's eyes.

Whenever I try to do anything good I just end up looking stupid.

I don't believe in the possibility that I will ever accomplish anything of worth any more. I am a loser and a washout. Once nothing is depending on me any more there is no reason to continue living.

My son just wants to get away from here and I don't blame him. He still needs my help to a degree and is trying to help me. But it's no good, any of it.

I'm a dismal failure. Every time I try to do anything worthwhile, I just fail.
I don't even have anyone who reads my stupid blog blathering any more or cares at all.

If you are an Internet troll reading this you are even more worthless than I am and should go kill yourself now.

Dear Friends

If I still have any.

I sent some of you a rather desperate email yesterday. I now feel desperately ashamed for doing so. I want you all to know that I am NOT suicidal. I have NOT been doing any acts of self-injury. I am depressed right now, but there is a shit ton of stuff going on in my life, plus (sorry dudes) Aunt Flo is about to arrive and that always turns me into a raging bitch or a clingy cry baby. 

A change of meds has been suggested. I appreciate the concern but here is the thing about meds. I cannot tolerate the majority of pharmaceutical medications no matter what they are for. I have bad reactions to them. Antidepressants in specific make me psychotic. Depressed is one thing. Psychotic is another. As I am not normally psychotic, it is not a condition I am used to and I assure you, it is not one I enjoy. So please, though we are all trained to think "antidepressant," they don't work for me the way they are supposed to.

Therapy has also been suggested. I would consider this except that I literally cannot afford it. And I've really never had any luck with it.

As to anything else, I was lonely. Only this and nothing more. There is no need to read anything else into it. And I'm fucking sorry I reached out like that. So, let's all forget about it and go on about our lives, shall we?

Sincerely,

The Cheesy One