Thursday, August 26, 2010


I was so happy with all the great responses I got on the last post. I tend to sometimes hold back on my thoughts and feelings as opposed to observations because it's painful to get cut down for those. Observations are easy because opinions are like assholes and everybody has them. And some people ARE them. Assholes, that is.
I realize that if I am a borderline Aspie, it would explain a lot about why working in a field like health care seems poisonous to me. There's too much stimulation. And here I've been doing it on and off for more than 20 years. Something like being a radio DJ, which I've always dreamed of, might actually be better because most of the time, even though there is public contact, I'd be in my own little world. I've never been able to make people understand that I don't dislike being a caregiver because I hate people--I don't really HATE anybody unless they do something truly heinous--I dislike being a caregiver because of having to always be ON. I never understood it before myself. Maybe this new level of understanding will actually help me to be kinder to myself, and maybe in the long run to open up a little more to others who are like me, rather than to the first person who shows me attention. Such people are often predators. There are vampires, folks, but they aren't immortal undead blood suckers. They are energy drainers who, if allowed in, destroy one's self esteem and leave them with just a shell. I am now working on shutting out the energy vampires and being more discerning--and eventually more open--to the good people.


Nessa said...

63mago mentioned it a comment on the previous post: some people take drugs and drink to calm down the mind and stop all of the sensory in put.

It was a very happy day when I figured out that I had hyper-vigilance. Once I knew that I could start consciously and in more healthy ways blocking things that came at me.

I took a test once where they show you facial features and you had to identify the emotions being expressed. I scored very high. And they said "people" persons score very low - meaning they could interact more easily because they weren't always reading between the lines of others' emotions and agendas.

Cheesemeister said...

I've done the booze and drugs thing. I think I'd probably score pretty high on the face test too. I tend to be very aware of the emotions of others, but sometimes I distort it and become paranoid that everyone is out to get me.

Nessa said...

Yeah, I always personalize things too much too.

I am the center of the universe.


63mago said...

nomnommnomm - whatdoyasay?